May 22nd would have been  Matt's high school graduation.  This is going to be a very hard day for me, I dont know how to get through it.  I am sad obviously, but I am angry that I have done everything "right" as a parent.  I never abandoned my son, I was there for every game, school program, every event that he was ever involved in-, every home work assignment I was on his butt to get it done & turned in, --I invested all of myself in my son & for what? I guess that's the anger part of this whole grief process.  "Grief process"? indicates an end, a light at the end of a very dark tunnel- just not a possiblity for me.  Time doesnt heal everything.  This should be an exciting time for my family, Matt should be graduating high school & thinking about the future.  Future?  I have no future, everything stopped, frozen in time.   Life doesnt go on.  I breathe oxygen, but I'm not living.....I'm maintaining but this a life nobody should have to live.   But I'll continue....maintaining