I've been thinking about Peter's death and what  I could have done- I really think he would have wanted to know what the problem was before he died. He had a DNR order. When I walked in the room after being chased out by the nurses I asked could they bring him back and the doctor there kept saying "It's what he wanted" over and over. I was so confused and shocked  all I could say was i didn't know what to do (if I could do anything). After a month I talked to his nurse and asked if I could have overode Pete's order and he said he couldn't answer that- I don't know for legal reasons or he was afraid I'd freak out. I am anyway.... The doctor  just kept repeating "it's what he wanted" but I wish I had tried to make them do it anyway - or tried to do it myself if they wouldn't. I think if the doctor hadn't kept repeating this I would have . I am so sorry I didn't try, lie, or anything to make them bring him back. I understand it was my decision to say nothing to condradict Pete's order but should the doctor have been trying to convince me? Has anyone had this experience? I am so riddled with guilt and sadness and missing him so much- he was the love of my life and I feel like I could have saved him but I chose not to.

I am so sorry. But if he had a DNR order, he had thought about what he wanted done. Since he had been a firefighter, he probably knew more than most people about the benefits and risks of resuscitation. Medical professionals can't ethically contradict a DNR order. There was nothing else you could have done.

FWIW, I went through the same types of thoughts when my dad was in hospice, wondering if he would be better off going off hospice and getting treatment instead of "comfort care." But everyone I talked to told me that his quality of life wouldn't be any better if he went to the hospital or clinic ... and that it was entirely possible that it would be worse after the trauma of transport and again being in a strange place instead of home.

I still think he would have liked to know what was causing his problems first. And I wished we'd talked about it . I think he was trying to call me before he passed out ( he was in the bathroom) and I thought he was just answering someone in the hallway calling the nurse who was also named peter and telling me to calm down- i kept bothering him and checking on him and he was getting irritated with me. I may have missed my chance to say goodbye. Thank you for the thought that he was probably quite sure of what DNR meant- I hope so.

Yeah, I too was never really confident that my dad knew what was facing him in hospice, or the extent of what was wrong. Thus my repeated thoughts of pulling him off hospice. Dealing with (impending and real) death is tougher than anything else I've done. Wishing you the best in dealing with your own situation.

A DNR can not be overrode unless you are the patients Power of attorney for medical decisions (Medical POA) The only other way is for the signed DNR order is missing. By Law the DNR orders have to be in the hospital record or handed to the EMT, Nurse, Doctor ect... If no signed DNR is in file or handed to medical personal they have to do everything possible to save that persons life. There is also what is called a DNR/CC the only difference with this one is they can do whatever is necessary to make the patient confortable until they pass but they can not administer anything that will save the life.

I am so sorry for you loss. You are in my thoughts and prayer.

that type situation is very difficult to obey the decision with him . .  . . please accept my condolence messages . .

First of all, I would like to extend my deepest heartfelt condolences to you and your family! Secondly, please know that I do understand how hard and devastatingly helpless one feels when our loved ones do not want to be saved. I have shared those same feelings when my mom was dying of Cancer, and couldn't breathe even with the oxygen, and the doctors kept reminding me of her dnr decision. No one wants to hear that! Eventhough I was her power of attorney, it was hard to accept, but I am so glad that I actually had several conversations with her prior to her illness, and she was clear on what she wanted. The best thing we can do in situations like this is pray, let go, and let God! I know how hard it is, but you must release the guilt, there really was nothing that you could have done sweetie. And guilt is a natural part of the grieving process, but you truly have nothing to feel guilty about. He is no longer in pain now, and you will see him again. I pray that you find comfort soon. Peace & Blessings!~Antoinette