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About:
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Hello i lost my father 3ed march 2009 aged 67, due to asbestos. He was ill for many years but about the last 6 years of his life it started to spread all over his lungs and he died of a massive heart attack on the kichen floorof our home, my dad was a survivor and just pushed himself never complained about how ill he felt and alway put everybody else b4 himself, he would give you the shirt off his back, he was self employed as a carpenter joiner and ran his own one man business which he loved with a passion, he made doors window stair cases rocking horses e.t.c also a electrician, plumber, bulider, mechic and has built a few house's in his time, he could turn his hand to anything he was a very clever man. He was my hero and still is i could sit here writing bout my dad all night. He has had a few heart attacks b4 due to the asbestos and was in hospital in the CCU ward for a few weeks but he would alway pull thru, on march the 3ed 2009 i had a phone call from my parents next door neighbour saying dad is not well can i come home i thought oh no another heart attack but he will be ok, i arrived to my parents home to find two ambulances outside, i ran to the front door where the next door neighbour was standing i said "How is he" he looked down for a moment and looked up at me and said "im sorry he has passed" i thought for a second passed what, then i saw my mother i threw my car keys on the floor and ran to her she was distraught i have never seen my mother like that i didnt know what to do apart from hold her i thought this cant be happening, after awhile mum sat on the sofa motionless in shock, i went into the kitchen and there was my father layed out on the floor greyish complection paramedics were in there as well i fealt like the world was going out of control i could not perceive what layed before me i felt i cannot even explain to be honest im just hauted by the memory of that day, even now nearly nine months on i cant belive he is gone, awhile later the private ambulance came to take my father away it was destoying me to see this, i felt i had to be strong for my mother iv been doing that all this time swallowing the grief so i dont know how to come to turms with it now, i was suffering from depression and on medacation a few weeks b4 he died my depression has got much worse, he died on the tuesday and my girlfriend rang my work and explained what has happened, i rang them on the friday and i could not believe what my boss said "are you coming back monday" i said "i need a week off "he then said "that seems abit long to me" i went on to tell him we only have one father and i have many arrangements to sort out register the death and sort out the funerail, i could not sleep properly and still cant was going into work late and having days of sick where i just could not face work, i was prevoisly on a warning before my dad passed, my boss said he has no choice then to let me go this happend a month after my dad passed, because how i was feeling and my time keeping and absences, my world had already collapeds and now i have no job im still out of work now on ESA also under West Suffolk Cruze which is bereavement counciling i dont really socialize anymore and have very negative outlook on life after my father died i felt like a child again no responabiltys i was spending money on stupids things like doing my car up and acting very foolishly with the people i love and then i started talking to women on the internet to escape how i was feeling to get away from it, because of my foolish actions it has cost me and my girlfriend to break up after 6 years of being in a relationship and we have a son together, at the time when i need her the most i thru my relationship away i dont know what the future holds for me but ill be damned if im gonna stay depressed and negative all my life so i gonna try and help myself instead of just relying on medication, my father would have not wanted me to be like this. I always find people who say i know how you must be feeling about your dad, when they havent lost a parnet or a loved one to be honest i dont know how i feel myself im just trying to get out of bed in the morning which is really hard when you dont see what the point is, but im trying to be positive theres something my father always used to say to me "You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it" and hes right my girlfriend said to me "when you wake up in the morning smile even if its a forced smile" so i do id like to speak to other ppl on here who have lost a parent similer age to me .
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